Humans were not made to cry alone.

We need to be held. Why is it when we cry we want someone to hold us? Pain is not meant to be carried alone. When we carry pain that’s meant to be shared the weight becomes more than we can bear. Then we break under the pressure.

Tears are the weight of sadness leaving our spirit. Tears are the release of pain that is not meant to be internalized. Whenever we hold onto things that we are meant to let go of it always hurts us. Holding onto tears hurts us, but letting them go heals. When we cry we heal.

Although tears release healing, they also release pain. Pain is not meant to be experienced alone. When we are in pain we are weakened. When we are weakened we are in a vulnerable state. When we are in a state of vulnerability we are most ready to receive love.

In the moments that we cry we need to be loved. When we don’t get the love we need it hurts all the more. Why does it hurt more? The absence of love begets loneliness and when we are lonely everything hurts more because there is no one to share our burdens with. So our tears are our burdens and when we are alone they feel extra heavy.

So what does love do? Love bears all things. Love is especially good at bearing pain. How does one bear the weight of something? It can’t be done from afar. First one has to be close to it. Close enough to touch it. Close enough to hold it. Loading bearing walls are not just close enough, they are directly underneath and fully attached to the weight they are designed to bear. Similarly, love draws near, attaches itself, and fully embraces with its strength the weight it wants to carry. This is what happens when we hug someone who is crying. There is a grace in the embrace that lifts the heavy-laden heart. It is in the mutual embrace of the burden that pain, which was once exclusive to the burdened, dissipates in the touch of companionship.

This is what love does. Love overwhelms pain. It doesn’t ignore it or pretend it’s not there. Love rushes in and overwhelms pain with compassion and comfort. In human relationships, this can look like a hug to the hurting. So when we see someone we love crying our hearts draw near and we hug them and hold them. It’s love’s natural response. To draw near to where the pain is, not to run from it. To withhold comfort when someone is hurting is actually unloving. Love is not distant when pain is present. When life hurts, love comes close.

Society is growing more distant, more isolated, less affectionate. This is the opposite of love. Love seeks union. Love draws close. Love wants companionship. Love showers affection. Love doesn’t just want nearness, it wants touch. It’s in the touch that we are transformed. When we are held we become healed.

My friend died recently. It took days. I wanted to be close to him when he was dying. I didn’t want him to be alone. Many people came to say their goodbyes. Every time someone visited, I was there. I didn’t want my friend to be alone. But I also didn’t want those who were visiting to be alone either. Grief is too heavy a burden to try to carry alone. Humans were not made to cry in isolation. Over the course of time, I held a lot of people who were crying. What’s interesting about that is when you hold someone who is crying, oftentimes, you begin to cry as well. It’s the human thing to do. Another one of my friends died last week. The day of I was strong and helped, held, cared for, and cried with many of my friends. The next day I wasn’t so strong. The next day I was a mess. The next day I was a sobbing, screaming, cursing mess. Fortunately, I had someone to hold me and cry with me. I healed a little bit at that moment.

When bodies touch, spirits touch. When spirits touch they melt together a little bit. This is called intimacy. Sharing pain is an intimate experience. It’s intimate because it’s vulnerable. It’s vulnerable because it’s not always safe to cry. Not everyone should get to see you cry. What’s remarkable about humanity is that in our pain and grieving and tears we are very much vulnerable to harm and yet this is the place where we need to be loved the most.  For some inescapable reason, our hearts were created with a bent towards great risk. Our place of greatest vulnerability is the place where we have the capacity to be loved the deepest.

There is a story about Jesus where he went to visit a friend. Her name was Mary and her brother had just died. She was in the agony of grief and overwhelmed with pain when Jesus came to visit her. She threw herself at his feet and cried and lamented the pain of her loss.  Our hearts were not hardwired; they were fashioned from love. To cry is to embrace your humanity. To let hot tears flood down your face is to be truly human. Robots don’t cry. They don’t because they can’t.

Jesus cried with her. He was fully human. Capable of pain. Capable of grief. Capable of breaking down and crying in public. What’s astonishing about this reality is that Jesus claimed to be the very face of God. The perfect visible image of the invisible God. The physical manifestation of the wholly spiritual God.God in the flesh.

Jesus claimed to be God. If Jesus cries then God cries. The uncreated God of the universe who exists outside of space and time, breathed the Andromeda Galaxy, hand-crafted stars, and formed the earth with meticulous attention to detail is capable of feeling pain. If Jesus is God then God is capable of tears. He’s not far off or distant or stoic and unsympathetic to our pain. Not only is he capable but he actually cries? Why? Because he loves us. Because he feels our pain.

If God cries when does he cry? He cries when we cry. Because he loves us and love draws near to the broken-hearted. It does not shy away or withhold comfort and affection to the mourning. No, love embraces us in our pain. This is the nature of God.

We were God-fashioned for love. Humans have spirits. God is spirit. Humans come from God. Humans were made from love because God is love. Love cries when it hurts. Love comes close when it hurts. Love embraces when there is pain. This is the love-nature of the human heart.  Our nature was crafted by our Creator. We do things this way because we were made this way. We were designed in the very image of our Creator.

His heart is in rhythm with our hearts. Next time you cry, remember he is crying as well. When you are hurting he is hurting. Let him draw near to you and embrace you in your pain. He is not the unfeeling, far away, emotionally distant God. He is the God who cries when you are crying. But even more than that, he wants to cry with you. Don’t shy away from his embrace. Remember, when we are held is when we are healed. We need to let God hold us.